a_solitary_soul

It’s been a pretty long time since I wrote here, hasn’t it? It’s hard to know where to start since so much has changed in the past few years.

Some of you Edinburgh folks might know that I’ve been ill, but I don’t think many people really know much more than that. I’ve had M.E for 10 years now, but I was in a period of remission when I started uni at Edinburgh. It got gradually worse again until I had a very severe relapse the winter before last. It was a hellish experience; I was in severe pain, with only over the counter pain meds, no help from doctors, and I was really underweight because I wasn’t getting enough help with shopping/cooking. I’m feeling better than that now, but I’m still really ill, I have practically no independence, and there’s definitely no chance of me going back to university.

So, on top of all of that, Jacquelyn broke up with me. We’ve been together for almost 3 years and this came completely out of the blue, so I’m incredibly confused and hurt. She hasn’t really given me an explanation, and despite telling me she wants to stay friends, I’ve had next to no communication from her at all.

It’s been really hard for me to write this because everything that’s happened has really knocked my self confidence and made me afraid to reach out to anyone. But I’m so lonely and socially isolated at the moment (considering the last time I’ve seen anyone besides my immediate family and doctors etc was the last time I saw Jacquelyn in May) that I’ve decided to bite the bullet and start posting here again. I might be a little slow to respond, but any supportive comments will really mean a lot to me.

I've been back home in Fife for a while now. I spent most of the first few weeks sleeping and lazing around(and looking for work of course), but this week I started working as a waitress at an Italian restaurant. And it's been absolutely hellish...

( Cut for length, and anger... )

That's probably enough ranting for now, so I should probably share some good news.:) I found out I got a B for my coursework in Chinese literature, which means I have an automatic pass and am exempt from the exam in August! (I missed the exam in Spring partly because I was ill, and partly because due to strikes, the coursework wasn't marked in time for anyone to know if they were exempt or if they had to actually sit the exam. Yeah it's confusing...) I'll still have East Asian Civilisation to sit, but one exam isn't so bad. :)

And in lolita related stuff, I regret not ordering a metamorphose lucky bag now. I decided not to bother since I hated most of the stuff from the winter ones, but everything I've seen so far from these ones has been surprisingly cute. Did any of you order one, and did you get anything nice?

At least I have the Innocent World sale to look forward to! It's starting next week, and I'm hoping for some short sleeved blouses and maybe something from the rose embroidery series.

Yes, I am alive. Stuff is finally starting to go well again so I thought I should update.^^

First thing this morning I talked to my director of studies and sorted out course stuff. Because of all my health problems I've been scarily behind in everything, I've managed to get a fair bit done recently, but I still had another essay and kanji folio left and I've been unsure if I can actually pass this year. Well, it seems like I can just hand in what I have and they'll not count the other stuff since I have medical reasons. I'm so glad my director of studies is nice. ^^

Later I found out that we got a flat! I was a bit unsure about the location at first, but it's
only 220 pounds per month which is really cheap for Edinburgh. It's small, but it's fairly nice, and we're already coming up with ideas for decorating.

So later we went to plaisir du chocolat and had chocolate gateaux (which is basically just chocolate ^^) and tea cocktail! (I put a few pictures from the day on himichan)

It feels so weird that the year's finished already, I'll really miss a lot of people, but at least I'll be able to relax now that I've got everything sorted out. :) I'm still trying to decide if I should go to dark city this weekend. It would be a really fun way to end the year, but I so much packing to do, and I have to leave early on monday so I don't know if it's a good idea to stay out late on the sunday night. Plus I want to perfect the essays I'm handing in on monday. I might still be swayed though ^^; Who's going, and does anyone know if there are even still tickets left?

I am a bad lj-er, I know. I don't update for a month or more, then I'll be back promising to post more often, and it just never happens.

But, seriously, I'm going to try hard to post regularly again, really...

The past month hasn't been great, I've been pretty ill and I was really worried my M.E was coming back. I've been better the past few days though, so I think I'm going to be ok, but I've missed a lot of classes, and been too tired to study much so I have so much to catch up on. Much of my holidays will be spent doing Chinese literature and East Asian civilisation essays, the joy >_<

Tonight I'm going to The nightmare a'fore christmas, so I'm going to try and just have fun. I'm taking the opportunity to dress up, so I'm going for the full on antique doll look! I got my hair curled earlier and it looks so fabulous, I wish I could have it like this all the time. And I'm wearing my black velveteen Metamorphose skirt and half bonnet. I got a new memory card for my camera, so I'll take loads of pictures!

madame_queeny, you mentioned you were going didn't you? I'll be looking forward to seeing you again! Anyone else going?

I'm back in Edinburgh now, I think I'm over the flu now, but I am absolutely exhausted from my lectures today. I still don't have the internet in my room, so I'm at the library just now. I'm really hungry and tired and I want to go home, but I want to do as much as I can online before the library closes :/

I was going to write more about uni, so the classes I'm taking are: Japanese: which is great! I already know most of what we're doing this year from what I've taught myself, so it's really easy, and I can just have fun with it. Much of the teaching so far involves childish games (like hiragana bingo!).And Paul ( madametarantula on lj) is in my class, so we spend most of the time gossiping/giggling about stuff :D

East Asian Civilization: which is compulsory for doing a degree in Japanese. The whole of the first semester is on China, and I'm not enjoying it that much yet. It's quite hard to keep up with since we cover so much in each lecture, so I was a totally lost today after missing all of last weeks lectures. I think it will get better as the year goes on though, we're doing Japan next semester which will hopefully be better.

Chinese Literature: I decided to take this partly just on a whim, because the way my timetable works out it gives me a Friday off :P The course isn't exactly what I hoped it would be, because I wanted to do a literature course, and it's more based on history than on the literature really. It's quite interesting though anyway, at the moment we're doing some radical authors from the early 20th century which is all really interesting.

I just emailed celga.com to buy this for me: http://www.rinkya.com/twview.pl?URL=http://page4.auctions.yahoo.co.jp/jp/auction/d56590925
I really shouldn't be spending too much, but the 8000yen buy it now price is such a bargain! I just hope no one else nabs it before they get my email!

Lastly, I'm planning on organising another goth loli meet up soon. I was thinking to hold it on a Saturday, go to the museum of childhood, plaisir du chocolat for afternoon tea, and maybe out clubbing at the mission or teviot at night. Any suggestions are good though!

I'd really better go now, since I so need to go home and get something to eat! I was going to try and reply to all of my lj comments, and more peoples entries, but I'm way too tired now. Sorry you guys!

I'm going to try to keep this quick because I'm really tired, but I just want to let everyone know I'm ok and I haven't disappeared!

Uni is going great so far. My flatmates are nice, the social life is good and I've met some lovely people, my classes are a little mixed but Japanese is great and the workload is easy enough so far. I have so much to write about, I'm not really sure where to start; I think the most important thing is just that I feel a lot happier now! Living with my parents in a tiny village was really getting me down, it feels so good just to be able to do what I want, go out when I want, eat what I want, and wear what I want.

Right now I have the flu, and I've come to stay at home for the weekend. I'm disappointed about the amount of fun stuff I've missed this week and slightly worried about missing lectures, but I'm starting to feel better now, and I think I'll be ok by next week :) Apart from the flu this week, my health has been ok, although I think my alcohol tolerance level has increased by about 10 times which probably isn’t a good thing >_<;

I haven’t got the internet set up in my room yet, so I’ve not been able to go online much. I can’t wait to get it set up because I really miss everyone! I obviously haven’t been able to keep up with my flist, so I really hope you’re all ok, and it would be great if you commented with how you’re doing!

Ok, I have to write this really quickly because we're leaving in 20 minutes!

I think I have everything sorted out now; I'm over the flu, and my loan and grant came in just in time. I feel like I've forgoten something important, but it's probably just paranoia!

Even thought I'm moving in today, I already went to check out the flat and move a few things yesterday; the flat is a typical student flat really, pretty basic but not bad. I'm just happy I'm going to be independant again though. I was disappointed that none of my flatmates were there yet though, I'm really anxious to know what they're like!

I don't start my actual classes for a week. This week is just for registering, and getting drunk! I don't know when I'll get the internet set up so I might not be online for a while. I'll update as soon as I can and let you all know how I'm doing :)

I'm moving to Edinburgh for university this weekend and I am not ready for it at all! I've spent all year feeling impatient to move, but it's only just started to sink in that it's actually happening! And to make things worse I have a really bad cold/flu!! I don't know how I'm going to have the energy to get all my stuff packed and move if I'm not better in a few days.

And I still haven't got confirmation of my student loan/grant yet. If I don't get it in time I'll hopefully have enough to live on for a while, but it's still really stressing me out! *panics*

Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to going, but it's hard to feel confident about a big change like this when you have the flu and you feel and look terrible. I'm drinking lots of water, and trying to rest so hopefully I'll be ok in a few days...

And on a completely different subject, I never wrote about the Edinburgh loli meet up! It went great and I can't wait to arrange another one. I'm really too tired to write more about it though so I'm linking to Lisa's entry on it. It has lots of pictures, so go and look! http://www.livejournal.com/community/loligothuk/284517.html

Ok, so what is it with hairdressers who don't listen to a word you say to them? Do they have some kind of new language where 'I just want a trim please' translates to 'take 6 inches off'?!

So, this Saturday I had a hair appointment. I have been growing my hair for a while now and it had just gotten to a length that I was quite happy with, so all I wanted done was a trim just to get rid of split ends. A fairly simple request you would think...but apparently not.

It's still fairly long at the back, but for some reason she cut in far too short layers so it's chin length at the front now! I really hate it like this, I can't do nearly as much with it now, and the short bits get in the way!

This has happened to me so many times in the past as well! Why is it so hard to find a hairdresser who can understand simple instructions?! >:(

Stolen from half of my friends list :) 'Type "(your name) is," with the quotes, into a Google search then pick out your favourite 10 responses. Copy, then repost your responses.'

Katharine is determined to be a good superhero

Katharine is widely regarded as one of the most beautiful women who ever lived

Katharine is a woman that every woman wants to be. She has class, education, beauty, humour, ease, confidence--all these things and you think, 'Why can't I be like that?

Katharine is a research scientist interested in unravelling the molecular and developmental biology of eye formation in embryonic tadpoles

Katharine is currently pursuing a phd in sexology from the institute for the advanced study of human sexuality in san francisco

Katharine is unlawful and must be dissolved

Katharine is fighting to keep her sanity in the never ending battle of the sexes

Katharine is a saint to many

Katharine is convinced that the clasp still exists and is determined to find it for herself

Katharine is already dead

Anyone been wondering where I was? I've not updated in such a long time!
I've actually been really ill with the flu for the past few weeks, I felt so weak and exhausted I was worried that my M.E was coming back. I think I'm ok now though, I wish I didn't have to worry about my health so much :(
Since I've been so tired I haven't been online much, so haven't really been able to keep up with everyone's posts, sorry everyone...

It was my 21st birthday last Thursday! I still can't quite believe it, especially since I still keep getting asked by people if I'm enjoying my school holidays, and being given half fare on buses, which is fine with me of course! :D
I'm glad I'm not someone who makes a big deal about birthdays, otherwise it would have been quite depressing being ill on my 21st. I didn't mind too much, it was good just having a nice meal with my family. Oh , and I got to wear my Meta lucky bag outfit , which arrived just in time :) I got the red jumperskirt with the cut out bust, and a white blouse with a tie, a bag, socks, and bloomers. I'm really happy with what I got, it's very much my style :)

The bad part though, is that I got a £42 customs fee! which is more than half of what the lucky bag cost! o_O I'm dissapointed because the last time I ordered from Meta they marked my package as a gift and only 6000 yen ( when it was really 30000 or so yen) they seem to have stopped lying on everyone's forms now, so I'm put off from ordering as much from them now :(

And I have a job interview on Wednesday! Anyone have any advice on how to do well in interviews? I'm going to be really nervous...

My job placement at the gallery ended last week, so I need to get a job. I need money to spend on clothes save for university!

I actually found one at a chemists that I think would work, but I have a dilemma:
It's a permanent job, so if I told them that I'm going to university in Autumn I don't think I would have a chance of getting it. I hate lying, but I'm slightly tempted to since I haven't found anything else yet :\ Later in the summer I could say that I just decided to go to uni and I got a place on clearing. Do you think it would be worth it?

Right now I'm filling in an application for jobseeker's allowance, I have so many forms to fill in :( And I'm pissed off because of something I just noticed; if you have a partner and you're both unemployed, you can make a joint claim for jobseekers allowance and I think you get more money than if you claim it seperately. Well I just noticed that it says "by partner we mean someone of THE OPPOSITE SEX you are married to or live with as if you were married." What century are we living in again?!

Look what I just found on Y!Jauctions: http://www.rinkya.com/twview.pl?URL=http://page13.auctions.yahoo.co.jp/jp/auction/r9945589
Think I should buy it? I can't believe how cheap it is!

Edit: Shit! I checked it again just after I posted this, and someone just bought it! * cries*

I got loads of gorgeous new clothes from Emmie this week ( thanks again * hugs* ), so I took pictures of some of them mixed with stuff that I already had but didn't have pictures of yet. I'm going to take even more soon, I'm sure you will all be fed up of seeing my face by then^^;



( More behind cut )

My job is ending next week, I'm going to miss it. I've started dressing lolita to work every day and my boss loves it! I will be so lucky to find another job where I can dress how I like :( In fact I think I will be lucky to find anything at all soon. living out in the middle of nowhere is useless *sigh*

My mum has started seeing this guy, for the first time since splitting up with my dad. she's acting like a giggly schoolgirl, it's so adorable ^^; I hope it goes well for her, she deserves it so much!

I've been lazy and haven't updated for a while again. Unfortunately, I just haven't had anything interesting to write about. Um, we have 5 more years of Tony Blair to look forward to :\ And my job placement is almost finished so I need to find a new job, hopefully with longer hours so I can make more money! <3

Today I spent the day in Edinburgh, and I had a woman ask to take a photo of me! XD It felt like a kind of lolita rite of passage!

So, I suppose everyone has heard about Juka leaving m10m by now, right? I'm even more annoyed at missing the live in Paris now. I just hope Mana doesn't replace him with a death metal vocalist or something, that would be lame :/

I was thinking it would be cool if Sanaka ( or whatever his name is now o_o) from Fatima joined. Fatima just broke up, he has a pretty voice, and I'm sure he has some sort of connection with Mana (?). It would totally work because Sanaka seems to like changing his name as often as Mana likes changing his vocalists. So instead of changing vocalists after every album or so, he could just change the vocalists name. it would be so much easier for Mana, don't you think XD

I am babbling, ignore me...

I ordered new metamor stuff! I am getting this skirt <3 http://www.metamorphose.gr.jp/onlineshop_eng/skirts/105102050069.php?ssid=132e2118105321123850
I think I am going to sell some lolita stuff to make up for buying new stuff, so far I've decided to sell my cherry print metamor set :( Would any of you be interested?

I thought it was about time I used a messenger thingie, so I got an AIM account! My screen name is lolitizzle.
If anyone wants to chat, feel free to IM me! ^_^

I've had the flu since last week, I'm a little better today, but I still feel really out of it. I don't want to go to work tomorrow *sigh*
But I got my new babyssb stuff from like_milk so that cheered me up at least :)

http://www.lolitasnap.com/gothic_lolita_photo/2032151202

W00t! I bought my digital camera today! It wasn't the one I was originaly planning on getting, so I hope I made the right choice...

Someone sent me this as a private message on lolita snap...
"How can you afford clothes from Moi-meme-moitie, Metamorphose and BSSB?!"

Um, why is it any of her business? o_o What do you think I should reply with?

The weather here is horrible! And the heating at work is awful, it's almost as cold as outside :/ It's been quiet though, so it's given me the chance to revise my Japanese. Which is sorely needed because I am so out of practice!

I'm getting a digital camera soon! I figured it would actually be cheaper in the long run, considering how expensive it is to get film developed ( especially when most of the pictures turn out crappy anyway -_- )

( some of said crappy pictures behind cut ^^; )

http://sites.gizoogle.com/?url=http://www.livejournal.com/users/a_solitary_soul/
Oh my god XD *dies*